"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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