My Higher Power is John Stamos
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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