we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize