sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
