Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
