Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
