Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
