Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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