from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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