All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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