and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
