Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
