Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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