Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I checked into jail on foursquare
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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