I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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