Can i not drive my cunt home
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
