this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Randomize
