I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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