i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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