I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
