I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
