dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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