I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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