I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
