dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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