So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
