You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
