If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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