genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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