a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize