No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
