"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I look better un-naked...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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