what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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