I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize