I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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