surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
