I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
