Me too!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
