Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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