I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
