youre lurking in front of me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
As shirtless as possible
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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