I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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