isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
