I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
