You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
