Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize