so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
