Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
