So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
