i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
