he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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