By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
