pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
