My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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