There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
