He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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