Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
