sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
