just tell him i said nine months
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
