Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
