I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
