I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
