I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
