your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
