I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
