Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
