my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
