i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
