I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
