Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
