there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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