if i can run in heels then i can drive
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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