where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize