The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
