Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
