his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
