Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Welp...herpes.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize