I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize