you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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