I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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