I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
