wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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